3 weeks ago I did a facebook video in which I shared some pretty private trials I'd had in my life, including: a pregnancy termination I'd had when I was 19, which I never sought any therapy for, the subsequent eating disorder that manifested as a result of not seeking any help and to top it off the now fertility issues that I'm working my way through as best I can, as a result of that eating disorder. If you haven't heard my story before you can see it on my facebook page here.
After I shared that post, I was inundated with women, sharing in their trials and testimonies regarding the various things I had shared. Some saying that I was ever so brave for sharing, some asking if I was ok, NOTE to all (Yes thank-you, I'm perfectly fine lol) and some, just being kind, that's it, like a secret nod, to the fact that, yip they saw it, but it didn't change anything. Which was cool! As my biggest fear, and I think the greatest lie that comes from any deep long drawn out secret, is that we think 'If they REALLY knew me, if they knew the things I'd done in life, they'd think much differently about me.'
Soooo, now I'm owning my story, and ya know what happened? Nothing. NOTHING! No friends disowning me no people hurling abuse at me, just people keen to share their stories in solidarity. Admittedly, I'm so so much stronger than I've ever been before and there's something to be said for timing when it comes to sharing these things, but the greatest fear I'd ever had was if people found out, they'd see my weakness, they'd see my flaws, they'd know that I hadn't had it all together like I pretended I did.
It was liberating... It was terrifying but it brought with it the message that Legacy is built around. That regardless of what you've been through, regardless of where you're at, you can make a change, you can decide that you want better for your life, that you want to contribute more to yourself and your family.
'So how'd I change though?' That's the question I got asked by nearly every single lady that reached out to me... I did it 100 different ways, but some of the strongest and most helpful ways I found to make true and lasting behavioural change I've listed below:
1. Become really careful about the instagram, facebook and general media I was 'feeding' myself mentally. The sub-conscious mind is a powerful and suggestive thing, it controls our reality to a large degree. Negative environments can hugely impact/distort the mind, whether they be physical, mental, or emotional.
2. Got out of my head and got busy! Going through stuff can be very isolating, it makes a person shrink away from spending time with people. Fight it! Get around people! As much as you won't want to, it's the best thing you can do to beat it.
3. Fake it till you make it! I wanted so desperately to change. To be congruent with my passion for health and living life to the MAX, that I started challenging myself to be like the person I wanted to be. I would ask myself, how would they think? How would they act? What behaviours would they demonstrate that I wanted to emulate in my life? (lol I used to say 'I am an athlete' every day because I knew what that meant to me it was like my superhero persona that I put on like a magic cape!) All this mimicry started to replace old negative behaviours in my mind.
4. Focus on the future. Block off the past. There's nothing back there for you. My step mum says that to me all the time! And she's right!. Instead, start planning, creating, deciding on what your bright future looks like. The places you'll go, the people you'll meet, the outfits you'll buy, the parties you'll go to, the food you'll try etc. FALL IN LOVE with where you're going and don't allow your mind to wander back to where you've been.
5. I got spiritual, and not in a woo-woo kinda way, but I always believed in God, I just hadn't experienced the amazing love, mercy and grace that comes from truly knowing you are loved and forgiven I'd never felt an all-embracing love wash over me like the love I found when I first became a Christian. It was like the feeling you get when you first fall in love.
6. Paradoxically, I went on a high-fat diet! I knew that eating high levels of fat was going to help heal my hormones and the ketones that are created in the liver we're going to help heal some of the chemical misfirings that were happening in my mind as a result of the damage I had done to my gut lining (the affectionately termed second brain) and to my insulin sensitivity. This really helped to nourish and restore my body and decrease the impulse control problems I was having, due to high levels of fat, balancing out my hormones and restoring neural pathways.
7. Get a game plan! Decide you want to get better, and don't take any more crap from... YOU! We can make excuses all we like to validate our behaviour, 'oh I just need to do it one more time, because this day has been particularly rough'. Nah, nah, BEFORE that behaviour and the thought pattern begin, come up with your game plan. I got a coach, that kicked my ass every time I tried to bail lol
Those were but a few of keys I implemented to push away the unwanted behaviour in favour of the ME I wanted to be!.
I do hope this gave you a few actionable tips to try? If you are still struggling and want to chat or want to work with me 1:1 to truly get the change you are after then get in touch. I'd love to hear from you.
